Wednesday, August 16, 2006

I don't know.

I just do not know. Right now, our life feels like it's in limbo and I do not like it. But, soon we'll know something. Soon. Like Friday.

Tomorrow, I am leaving for Louisville to visit my sister and her precious little ones. I'm excited. But I'm going by myself and that makes me feel anxious and sad. I won't be back home until Sunday. The good news is that my sister and I are going to get mani's and pedi's, I get to spend time with my sister since she's currently a SAHM, I bought wine, and I'm happy to help. so, it will be a very positive experience. I just wish I could put Anna and Noah in my pocket and pull them out and hug and kiss on them every once in awhile. (okay...all of the time.) Before I know it, Sunday will be here and I'll be back home. By then we should know whether or not we will be packing our house up and moving away or if we will be staying put. I just want to know. Don't you?

Something bad happened today. I was doing 52 things at once, as usual. Making the kids grilled cheese, putting away groceries, and I was just about to put sheets in the washer that I had just purchased for the air mattress I'll be sleeping on this weekend. I had just put the sandwiches on the griddle when Anna said "I'll help you." I replied with a "no, Anna, I'm just going to take a second to make sandwiches, the counter is full of groceries, I do not need help." She proceeded to run towards the bathroom where her step stool exists. I yelled from the laundry room "Anna keep the stool in the bathroom, I do not need help!!" I paused for a second and read something on the front page of the newspaper that was sitting on the dryer about one of my old volleyball coaches. It was then that I heard crying, which is not unusual (at all) in my house, so I didn't necessarily run out of the room, but I did immediately head out. I thought it was Anna crying and she was crying hard. I walked into the kitchen and it was Noah. He was crying so hard and sort of bending over while holding his hands. It was then I noticed the fucking step stool in front of the fucking stove. The stove holding the fucking griddle. cooking. hot. Noah touched the griddle. I wanted to die. I knew how bad it hurt, burns suck and they hurt and they hurt and they fucking hurt. I just wanted to put ice on his hand but I couldn't quite tell where the burn was, so I just put ice everywhere, he hated it. He just wanted me to pick him up and hug him and that's what I wanted to do, too, but I knew he need cold on that burn. (I did hug him and hold him...he holds on so tight and cries so hard.) He finally let me hold his hand under cold water. I made a bowl of ice water and he played with it for about five minutes. It was then that the hunger hit him. I fed them lunch and he did fine, but after that everytime he put his hand on something he cried. He cried big fat tears and told me it hurt. I don't think I have ever felt so helpless as a mom. (yes I have) It was hard. I gave him tylenol. He's better, I think, but it was just so so sad.

And to think it would never have happened if Anna knew how to listen. It is now my mission to teach her. (I say, while attaching a cape to my neck and stretching my arms out in front of me, waiting to fly)


  • At 8/17/2006 06:47:00 AM, Blogger Tracy said…

    I am so sorry about Noah's hand! Helpless, isn't that the same as being a mom at times. Really, I have felt helpless many times with my children. One that comes to mind was when Emma put her teeth through her bottom lip and we needed to go to the ER. That was a VERY helpless moment. Timmy's bee sting 2 weeks ago, another helpless moment. Those times SUCK!!

    Good uck getting Anna to listen. I swear they hear something different than you are saying.

    Have fun at your sister's house!

  • At 8/17/2006 06:48:00 AM, Blogger elisa said…

    Oh, your poor baby! I hurt just reading that.

    It's hard sometimes when things like that happen. Emma fell down the steps to our basement one day. I was in a hurry to use the bathroom (lol) and left her with my husband. Dumb move. He wasn't paying attention and down she went. I felt like crap!

    Elizabeth Arden makes this awesome burn cream. I wish you lived near me, I'd bring you some of mine. It's stinky, but it works fast. I've heard the use it on burn victims at UVA Medical Center.

    Here's a link to get some if you want. I like to have it on hand, just in case.

  • At 8/17/2006 09:05:00 AM, Blogger Sara T said…

    Oh no! Poor sweet loving Noah. Poor baby. Stupid f*ing stoves...can't they find a safe way for us to cook? Like an invisible barrier???? Keep an aloe plant around and break off one of the leaves/stems (whatever you want to call it) and put it directly on it. Works for sunburns too. Totally natural and helps ALOT. All Floridians have a plant ready to go. Plus you don't feel the burn when the aloe is directly on it.
    I am so sorry that happened. so stressful. You will definitely need a girls weekend. Give that ADORABLE baby of Sarah's, tons of kisses and squeezes. She is just too beautiful. I hope you have a great time.

  • At 8/17/2006 01:03:00 PM, Blogger Lynette said…

    Oh wow - that sucks about Noah's hands. Talk about cringing when I read about it. Ugh! I hope he is doing much better. We have a major listening problem in this house too with Carson. He's a work in progress.

    Have a wonderful weekend in KY. Don't stress out too much. Take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. Everything will fall into place - trust me.

  • At 8/17/2006 02:14:00 PM, Blogger amy f. said…

    Oh Beth, I know the feeling (of life being in limbo AND a toddler getting burned). A couple of months ago we were baking a pizza and Alex was in the kitchen with us, playing on the floor. We have one of the oven door latches, so he can't open the oven door, but all the sudden we heard him screaming/crying. Apparently he had stuck his little hand in the little opening between the bottom of the oven and the top of the drawer and it's freaking hot there...what the heck??? He burnt two of his fingers. Blisters formed in a matter of 10 minutes, or so. I've never even burned myself to the point of blisters. I felt so bad...poor guy.

    Occasionally bad things happen. We can't watch these busy little guys every single, solitary second...we just can't. We do the best we can!

    I hope Noah's okay. He's a trooper.

  • At 8/17/2006 02:49:00 PM, Blogger christy said…

    Beth, BJ is the same way. He does not listen. I can tell him 50 times not to do something, and then as soon as I turn my back he does it anyway. Lately he's been wanting to help with dinner, and I have to tell him no when I'm working on the stove. I know it's just a matter of time before something like that happens with us too. Don't be too hard on yourself. Hopefully Noah learned a good lesson, and he won't touch the stove again.

    BJ's new thing is unplugging things (lamps, fans, nightlights, etc.) and then trying to plug them in. UGH. I've actually spanked him several times when I caught him in the act. No matter how many times I tell him that it will hurt him BAD, he still does it. Childproof outlet plugs are great, but what am I supposed to do, unplug everything in my house?

    What's a mother to do? I'm all for straightjackets 24/7 until they reach college, how 'bout you?

  • At 8/18/2006 11:11:00 PM, Blogger Penny said…

    those moments as a parents are soo hard.. please don't beat your self up about it. When Sam was a toddler i was drinking a glass of water left it on the table and ran out side quickly to tell Chris something.. It was just for a bit.. I found my 12 month old playing with broken pieces of glass in his mouth.. (a bit of his tongue and lip was cut) It was horrible.. thank goodness he was fine..Noah will get better and in the end he will be better for it.. in his age he will remember the lesson of Don't Touch hot..

    have a good rest of your trip.. you will be home soon.

  • At 8/18/2006 11:13:00 PM, Blogger Penny said…

    ohh oh oh Abby totally likes to help out too.. She graps a chair and says "let me watch" which means in Abby speach.. Let me do and and you can watch me hurt myself.

  • At 8/22/2006 02:02:00 PM, Blogger Jenn said…

    I was coming back here to see how Noah was doing (I've been thinking of his poor hand all weekend), and as I'm sitting here with the post comment window open...

    Brooklyn tripped and bit through her lower lip with 4 teeth. Ugh. It takes a lot to make her cry. I know this stung lots. Those helpless moments truly suck.

    Despite our best efforts and protections, accidents still happen. If anything, hopefully, the kids will be more careful and listen. Preferably before they turn 18. Or I will go bald.


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