Where is that girl?

I sometimes find myself thinking about the girl I used to be. I just asked Brian to describe me when we first started dating at the age of 18 and he quickly said "crazy, sexy, cool." He's right, I was. I was cute, spunky, stylish, upbeat, confident and skinny. I LOVED to sing. I would listen to the music so loud in my car that my ears would ring for the first few minutes after exiting the vehicle. If I were riding in the car with someone and they wanted to talk, I would ask them if we could talk once we got to the desitination because I can't sing when I get there, but I can sing now. I loved good shoes, Gap jeans and Clinique. I never thought about food. I was not a party girl. A good night for me was going to a coffee shop and hearing good music, and talking for hours. Once Brian and I got married, I still loved my shoes and jeans, but that's when I fell in love with my laptop and I learned about the impact a person could have on me in my life. (I worked in Chicago and met some amazing people, and some bad ones!) Once we moved back to Indiana, Brian and I started to play Unreal Tournament with a friend, or I'd play Yahoo! Graffiti or JT's Blocks for hours. One day in August of 2001, at a Cub's game, Brian said "yeah, I think it's time we had a baby." I trusted him. So we tried and got pregnant in June of 2002. We started looking for houses, we both had good jobs and we were very independent. I loved to wake up in the morning on weekends and drink coffee, eat Pop Tarts and watch hours upon hours of Trading Spaces. I would then clean the apartment, take a shower and play Unreal or something else. We had a very relaxed life. Very enjoyable. Very comfortable. Very clean.

You see where I am going with this? Then we had a child. I remember our second morning home with Anna. It's probably one of my greatest memories. I was downstairs holding this sweet girl, Brian had made coffee and I was in my pajamas, sitting with my favorite things: Anna, Brian, coffee and my laptop. It was picture perfect. Even though the house was covered in free stuff from the hospital, diapers, wipes, bags, luggage, pillows and blankets, it was home and it was wonderful. Of course, since then Noah came into our lives.

I look back on the past (BC) before children and realize my life was so good. So, how is it possible that I can reflect back to 2005 and declare that year the most amazing year of my life? Because I have all I need. I am fulfilled. I am confident. I am loved and I love. My house is messy, windows dirty, Christmas mat still on the porch, I'm overweight, but it doesn't matter. What a year! I do work that I enjoy, I stay home with my children, I love my husband and he usually loves me, I enjoy my church and I volunteer with Friends of Allie. I'm involved because I couldn't take "just standing around anymore." I had a friend ask me "how do you have time to volunteer." I answer "I have made a choice to help cure childhood cancer, instead of watching TV." It's that simple. I don't want anything back. (although, I admit, I've got all I need.") The one thing missing in my life? A cure for cancer. Do you know where I can find it?

So, I ask Brian, how would you describe me now? His response "strong, impressive and wonderful." I like that better.