Away

I have been away from my children for almost 36 hours. It's really hard. I used to think that being away got easier once you are away, it doesn't seem that way right now. Maybe it's because I am playing with Ethan or snuggling with Mary and it just makes me ache for my little ones. I've had some phone conversations with them and they make me very happy, but it's not the same as feeling their skin or smelling their hair. (the hair smell being Spongebob Squarepants Shampoo Pineapple Crush scent)

My four hour drive down here was great. I talked on the phone for the first 90 minutes--hands free, of course, and then I listened to music. Very loudly. It's amazing how listening to music can take you back to a different lifetime. For me, it brings me back to being married to Brian, going to concerts, sleeping in, going to bed late, playing on the computer, spending an entire Saturday cleaning, relaxing outside, going out with friends, working and not being able to wait until the weekend. The music brings back great memories and makes me think of that girl that sits in the depths of my soul. She's not gone, she's still there and she visited me yesterday, it was really good to see her again, but it was good to put her back. I hope she comes back out again on my way home.
I'm a much happier person now, then the girl I was back when I really had no worries. As frazzled as I feel right now, as unkept as my house feels, I have never felt such happiness within me. I can only hope that it continues to flourish throughout my life.

A decision has been made. We are not moving. Brian has accepted a new job in Chicago, so his commute remains, but his walk to the actual location in downtown Chicago is 20 blocks shorter. Can you imagine??? Not me. The company in Louisville talked to Brian today and said they just could not make a decision today, that they would need a few weeks. He's still one of the applicants, but he just had to take the other job for now. There is a SMALL chance that we could move and everything could change if an offer comes through, but I can't imagine putting Brian through that kind of stress right now. Maybe this just wasn't the time for us to move.

Anna starts school next week. I can't believe it.