Sunday, April 09, 2006

Want to know a secret?

I sleep with a stuffed animal. I have for a really, really long time. Let's see...I'd say since I was 10 years old, maybe a little older I have slept with the same one. I LOVE it. Brian has adjusted just fine. Anna and Noah do not question it, he's just part of my life. When I travel, he comes along. (unless, we fly, then I just use a pillow as a "temporary substitute.") Anyway, I love the way he fits perfect between my arms. When I turn over, he turns over with me. If I fall off the bed, he's in my arms. If I drop him, (God forbid!) I wake up up and find him. He's just comfortable. And I love him. He's a part of me. I never realized just how much until recently.

I lost a part of me this weekend.

I don't mean to sound dramatic, but I feel like it's true. As most of you know, we traveled to Louisville this weekend. We decided at the last minute to stay at a hotel because we didn't want Brian's allergies and asthma to act up so badly that he'd have to go to the hospital. We slept, for a very short period of time. Woke up, got ready, left and spent the entire day packing, moving and unpacking. We ate, ALOT. We planned to stay at my sister's new place, since it's dog free on Saturday night. At 11pm, I went to our vehicle to get the air mattress, pillows, Fievel, the stuffed animal I sleep with, and blankets, when I realized we left Fievel and my pillow at the hotel. I went inside and calmly called the hotel and figured I would just go pick him up and be back by midnight. But, the person I talked to said the housekeeping room was locked and that I would have to call after 8am Sunday morning. So, I called this morning and the man at the front desk put me on hold and came back and said nothing was found. He was sorry. I said "yes, but, I don't have it, I left it in room 206, did someone take it?" He said maybe. But more than likely it was thrown away. I should have fought, but I couldn't speak. I was too hurt at the thought of Fievel covered in biscuits and gravy and sanitary napkins, soon to be traveling to the local dump. I went into the bathroom and cried so hard. It was news I thought I could handle, but I couldn't. (still can't, crying now.) I have slept with Fievel for over 15 years.

Believe me, I have tried putting this into perspective, for those of you thinking "so what?" (and I know you're out there) I've thought, "you know, I'm 29 years old, it's time to let go, I couldn't sleep with a stuffed animal FOREVER." But, you know, I could have. And I would have. And I miss him. I know he's just a stuffed animal, but I miss him. I honestly do. My heart hurts. I dread the ever fast approaching bedtime without him.

Everyone in my family has been incredible. Very understanding. VERY sympathetic. They know. Tomorrow, my brother-in-law is going to drive to the hotel and jump into the dumpster trying to find him. I am praying with all of my heart that he finds him. But if he doesn't, I will soon forget what it felt like to sleep with him, but I will never forget how understanding and amazing everyone has been. I will never forget that my brother-in-law jumped in a dumpster trying to find a stuffed animal, for his 29 year old sister-in-law. That is family. That is love. That is the best.

It's time for bed.


  • At 4/10/2006 08:54:00 AM, Blogger Lynette said…

    Oh Beth - my heart goes out to you. What a sweet story of your love for a stuffed animal and friend. You have an amazing brother-in-law and family support. I really hope he is able to find him. I still have a few of my cherished childhood stuffed animals, but they are tucked away in storage. Still, I would NEVER get rid of them and I know I would feel your same pain if something ever happened to them. Fingers crossed while we wait for an update!

  • At 4/10/2006 09:33:00 AM, Blogger Penny said…

    OH Beth.. Iam heart broken for you.. I feel how upset you are.. Dont' think your friends won't understand. If it is important to you then it is important to us. I loved the american tail movie. I think I even had that stuffed animal as a child. I hope he turns up. I find it unlikey that they threw it away. I would call back and speak with the manager. I used to work ina hotel and we just would not throw away stuff like that. People call back looking for that stuff. ask if they normally throw away stuffed animals as a policy.

  • At 4/10/2006 09:45:00 AM, Blogger Sara T said…

    On Bethie! I am so sorry. We all have our "lovies". And of course we won't think its silly! I hope your incredibly SWEET BIL finds it. Like Penny said...I would call back and talk to a different person. Maybe that guy was just too "lazy" to really check.
    We are here for you!

  • At 4/10/2006 12:01:00 PM, Blogger Tracy said…

    So I have been trying not to cry all day and then I read your post. I know how you feel. My special lovie is Jake. He can't come up the steps anymore and it has had me upset since I came back from FL. Yes, he is real, but I understand attachments more than people know.

    I am going to be emailing you in a few to let you in on something!

  • At 4/10/2006 12:47:00 PM, Blogger Mich said…

    Oh dear! That is so sad. As a stuffed animal enthusiast, I feel your pain. When L is gone, I usually bring out Munchkin (a large teddy bear) as a substitute.

    I hope it turns up soon!

  • At 4/10/2006 12:51:00 PM, Blogger Lara said…

    Beth.. I have tears in my eyes. I feel your pain and I am so sorry for your loss. It doesn't matter that it was "just" a stuffed animal. We all have things that are special to us and represent something important. I truly hope your brother-in-law is able to find Fievel and send him home where he belongs.

  • At 4/10/2006 02:02:00 PM, Blogger christy said…

    Beth, I sleep with a lovie too. Not every night anymore, but lots of nights. He's a bear I've had since I was 10 also. I got him when I went to live with my dad. It was a very hard time for me and Bud was there for me. I cried myself to sleep so many nights on Bud. I can't imagine my life without him.

    I'm so sorry Fievel is gone. I hope that your BIL finds him. I hope, I hope, I hope so hard.

    Please keep us posted.

  • At 4/10/2006 02:08:00 PM, Blogger christy said…

    And I'm sorry, but what kind of heartless person would just toss a pillow and stuffed animal in the garbage? Has anyone ever heard of LOST and FOUND?

  • At 4/10/2006 04:13:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Oh Beth, I'm so sorry to read about Fievel. :( I'm so sad for you. And your bil sounds like the sweetest! I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that somehow he finds his way back to you.

  • At 4/14/2008 07:40:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have a wolf stuffed animal that I cannot sleep without. If I lost him I don't know what I would do. He is so comforting to me and I need him because I don't really have any friends or anything so that is what I need him for. I understand how difficult that would be for you. I hope you find him.


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